The mirror effect

DON’T YOU LOVE A GOOD CHALLENGE?

Last week in the space of a day two people challenged me directly.

In one situation I deflected immediately. It was coming from someone close to me on a sensitive subject (the octopus).

In the other I took the feedback seriously and went into details. It came from someone I value, but only met a few times (the corgi).

Here’s what I realized: I rejected both challenges because I never asked for the feedback first. Both landed as criticism, not as requested insight. So my brain heard “attack” instead of “truth.”

And here’s what every job seeker faces:

You’re getting challenged all the time. You just don’t realize it.

Every rejection email is someone challenging you:

• “Not the right fit” = Something about you doesn’t align

• “We went with another candidate” = Someone else showed up better

• “We’re going in a different direction” = Your approach wasn’t what we needed

But because you didn’t ASK for the feedback first, your brain treats these as attacks, not insights.

So you defend:

• “They didn’t understand my experience”

• “The job market is terrible right now”

• “They probably hired internally anyway”

You’re doing exactly what I did. Making it about external factors. Never asking: “What specifically about ME isn’t working?”

The real pattern:

Rejections aren’t failures. They’re feedback you’re too defensive to hear.

Until you ask for it first.

This is what The Mirror Effect does:

You bring your actual situation — the rejections you don’t understand, the interview that went wrong, the pattern you keep hitting.

Then you ASK 10 strangers: “What do you see about how I’m showing up that I can’t see myself?”

Because you asked, you can hear it.

Because they’re strangers, they’ll tell you the truth.

Because there are 10 of them, you’ll see the pattern.

Then you go back into the job market with clarity instead of confusion.

The Mirror Effect — 2-part workshop (November 28 & January 23)

10 people. 4 hours. CHF 125. Online.